nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
