5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
