i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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