Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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