please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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