im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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