I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
