i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
