i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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