I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
