I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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