i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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