apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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