YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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