Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
its liver damage thursday
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
