Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Randomize
