non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
