i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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