from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
