no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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