I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
