Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
