um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
