The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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