im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
