Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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