I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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