I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
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Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
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I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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