So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
