im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
