it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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