Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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