She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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