Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
