Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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