Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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