May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
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BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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