If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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