so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
