So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
