i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
