I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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