Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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