her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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