i would punch a child for taco bell
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize