so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
