can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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