Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
