what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
