someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
