And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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