remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
