the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
