id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
