you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
