every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
