I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
