This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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