I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
