I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
