he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
