She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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