You just made me feel so damn special
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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