Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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