mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
