yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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