and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
