Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sorry my hands just texted you
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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