i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
barbara walters just said penis...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
