Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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