If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
