I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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