come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
