Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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